Stay safe!

I can understand the feeling behind the well wishes. The assumption behind it is that rapists are pure evil and unstoppable- we can’t control them or do anything about them so the only thing we can say that makes a difference is women should stay safe so we say that because we need to say something that feels remotely useful.

But when we do that we are having the wrong conversation. The conversation we *should* be having is about how the person who did this is a person- what would make him do this, what can we do as a society to get through to people like him, what can we do as a society to keep our streets safe from people like him. On the one hand, yes, society is a horrible, tragic mess sometimes and horrible things happen- but we need to stop talking about rape and violence as if they're inevitable. Can we at least attempt to address the problem? I know, it’s harder to think about what the fuck this guy’s brain than it is to tell your female friends to make responsible decisions but guys, keep your eye on the ball.

Seriously though. We know to stay safe. We know we know we know we know we think about it all the time, all of our public decisions are restricted, we often can’t afford to be curious or independent and our lives are less fulfilling for it. Cumulatively, this makes us so very rageful and we are so tired of the conversation about how safe we ought to keep ourselves.

That said, any ladies want to do a self defense course with me? I know there are a few on in Perth- I did one before but that was years ago I could use a refresher.

Hypocritical vegans blah blah blah.

I just have to put this out there: vegans usually know the difference between the ideal they are striving for and the realities they have to work with in pursuit of this ideal. Saying vegans often fail to reach their ideal is sort of a strawman argument. I don’t understand the reasoning behind this line of thinking at all. If you can’t be 100% sure you’re never harming any animal it’s best not to bother at all? No-one who takes a position on anything is immune to compromise in all respects. Being vegan is about feeling the ideal is worth striving for and working to the best of your ability to reach it, not claiming purity.

Sporadically pointing out hypocrisy might not feel like trolling to you but reads as trolling to a vegan. Any point of inconsistency you can think of, chances are pretty high a vegan has already thought about it a lot. When your lifestyle revolves around a specific ethical dilemma you tend to think about the implications of every one of your actions and you’ve come across these inconsistencies in practice.

We can have a conversation about veganism if you want but the conversation is going to be more productive if you ask questions.

That is all.

DELAYED REACTION TO THE BIG BANG THEORY ISSUE

Let's be honest here. It is silly to like the things we like- and to like them so much we kind of want to run around our houses screaming about them all the time. It's also wonderful. Can we acknowledge it's silly and wonderful? And can't we laugh at ourselves for our social shortcomings? Dude, I need to be able to laugh about this. It has to be funny. Otherwise it's just sad.

So. This show is laughing at us. Inasmuch as whatever mysterious quality is the baseline of my personality is also to a large extent the mysterious quality that is the baseline of Sheldon's character it is laughing at me. I get called Sheldon all the time- usually by people who know me well and mean it affectionately. Occasionally someone does seriously make fun of me or implies I'm inferior because I do/say things differently but it's hard to take it personally because I know that person is wrong. In dealing with people who misunderstand me like this I really feel Sheldon helps me. I don't need Sheldon for myself- I have Abed to relate to. I will never be able to explain myself to the Pennys of the world but characters like Sheldon provide a good shorthand for me when I am talking to Pennys and I'm having trouble dialling down my Aspergers so I need to make fun of myself to ease the tension. Sheldon is a likeable character. He's poked fun at but not demonised. I guess I feel like TBBT is to me what Will and Grace* was to the gay community. (I felt) Will and Grace was a terrible show, but it normalised homosexuality for outsiders and gave a demographic formally on the fringe some mainstream credibility. When I was growing up, no one around me knew where I was coming from. An overarching theme of my childhood was "What is Addie and how do we fix it?" Now that Aspergers Syndrome is among the commonly understood syndromes and shows like The Big Bang Theory which showcase Sheldony types are garnering massive viewership, the common reaction to me by Penny People has shifted to "Addie is kind of Sheldon and maybe we should just let Addie be Addie". And yeah, maybe they're trying to sell this show to me and people like me and it's kind of a farce. I don't really buy it. I know this show isn't really for me, it's for Penny. That's fine.

Okay actually it's not entirely fine. There is a frustration here. There is something about The Big Bang Theory that rings really false. These characters are someone else's interpretation of us. The people who are writing these characters don't think we're inferior but they don't quite get us either. For me this is a familiar frustration because for most of my life I have been a media-obsessed girl/woman and I've been watching as girls and women have been portrayed by my beloved media with truth and dimension APPROXIMATELY NONE OF THE TIME. Sorry, I don't mean to go capitals on that point but oh my god. Of course Community does it better- in terms of portraying nerdery and geekdom because the writers are obviously nerds and geeks and they're coming from a place of love. Abed is a better-written character-with-Aspergers-tendencies than Sheldon, I think in part because the character is based on a real person and not just a premise. Community also does pretty well in the woman department. I think this is not entirely unattributable to the fact that a lot of the writers are women. Characters written by someone coming from inside an experience have more depth and honesty to them than characters written from someone on the outside. Who'da thunk?

Mostly I don't think The Big Bang Theory is a good show because it isn't very funny. It's not never funny but it's sparse and the spaces between the funny give me a lot of time to think about how they could have done nerd better. So I guess my problem with the show isn't that it makes fun of me. I think it should try harder to make fun of me and make fun of me more accurately.

*Hmm I'm not entirely sure this is an apt comparison and also I have no idea how the gay community received Will and Grace in its time.